Not to be Outdone...

I decided to write a blog tonight. Because...my friend Jennifer just started a blog. (here's where I would link to it but I already closed out my facebook page and I can't remember the address). Just find it on my facebook page. It's awesome. It's more interesting than mine. It's her first day and she's already done a rap. (Darn my exclusively lily white roots).

Speaking of 'rap' and the fact that it always reminds me of 'rape' (no, not because I'm some southern racial profiler but rather because I'm a horrible speller so any words that are similar I have to stop and sort out in my brain which one is which). This one time in elementary school we had to write a story and I wrote about my wallpaper. (I know, I know, I didn't get out much...). But I had this wallpaper that had elephants and well, a lot of other safari animals but I mostly remember the elephants. So anyway my story (I almost wrote "my blog" right there but blogs didn't even exist when I was in elementary school). Kids around the world are going, THAT'S A GOOD STORY GRANDMA. Who am I kidding, kids around the world don't read my blog....A-N-Y-W-A-Y, so in my STORY I wrote about how the animals came to life and played with me and I titled it 'The Magic Wallpaper' but my teacher misunderstood me when I started reading it aloud and stopped me and was like "you wrote a store called 'THE MAGIC RAPER?!?!" I decided that if I ever did write a highly inappropriate, wildly unpopular children's book, I would name it 'The Magic Raper'.

So, my friend Jennifer, she wrote a blog...(that really is what I was trying to get to). And she posted TWICE today, which makes me feel inadequate. I mean it's okay that I worked two jobs today and then got home late because a tree was across the road (thanks for that, mother nature). It's okay that even if I fell asleep RIGHT NOW I would only get five hours of sleep. Don't worry Jennifer, I'll try to keep up with your break neck speed of publishing blogs...rant over. I'm tired. Plus it wasn't really a rant, it was just a haha. (There's a real name other than haha but did I mention that I'm tired and I can't think?) Ruse? No. Banter? Or does that have to take place while actually conversing with someone? I give up.

So I took my cats to the vet today and got the monster vet. There are two really, really nice vets at my office and one bruha that is evil. (Guess which one I always get?!) She has the demeanor of a dim lamp shade and she pretty much tells you, you suck at being a cat-mom then she always finds a way to tell you your animals are probably dying.

Before she came in the exam room it was just the vet techs and they were doing all the preliminary stuff so I got Dudley out of her cat box and explained that she "had a little bit of a weight problem" except I did it all funny like Chris Farley did in 'Tommyboy' and then I called her my "chunky monkey". They were all like "oh no honey, we get cats in here all the time that are like 25-30 pounds, she's fine!" Then evil herself walked in and told me that on a scale of 1-10 for risk factors Dudley was at a 9 for developing hip problems, diabetes, joint discomfort, blah, blah, BLAH. And guess how much she weighed? 12 pounds. That's it, twelve. That seems on the high side of normal for a cat so I'm not worried. Plus I've had experience with this vet, her philosophy is "every animal is on the verge of death". I kid you not, it's not just me, I've talked to other people who's seen her and they said the same thing as they came out in tears, clutching their cats to their chests just waiting for them to take their final breaths...then five minutes later they realize the lady's C-R-A-Z-Y and they just ask to not be scheduled with her again. The woman would never make it as a counselor. People would go with minor issues and before their hour was up she would have them convinced they needed to go home and kill themselves.

So...I've had all of my dishes washed up all week except for tonight. And tomorrow is when my mother in law is coming to stay. Lucky for me, she's not a judger. Not like some people's mother in law's which shall remain nameless although you'll recognize them from their limp, as I have it on good authority they may be getting beaten with a cane soon...

Tomorrow is Craig's hernia surgery where he "re-claims" his belly button, as he says. I'm nervous for him but also glad he's getting it taken care of. (Did I already blog about this last time or just think about it. Something sounds really familiar). Great, now I've completely run out of things to blab about and I'm just starting over. Anyway prayers are appreciate, both for a speedy recovery for Craig and also the lifeline of this blog, which I fear the end may be coming near for. I want to pull the plug and put it out of it's misery but I still have hope that something really exciting will happen that more than three people care about and that will breath new life into it.

In closing I just took a sip of water (city water from dipper dans) and I had the urge to spit it back out and say (IN NAPOLEAN'S DEADPAN VOICE), "the defect in that one's bleach".

The end. Forever. (just kidding).