The Surgery

Well the time has come that you've all been waiting for...or possibly you've already forgotten that Craig had surgery and you've not been waiting on pins and needles for details...either way, HERE IT IS.

Friday 5:45 am:
5:45 is a time that I wasn't even entirely sure actually existed until I experienced it for myself. This is not a time that I would recommend getting up, EVER. So I'm getting ready and Craig's getting ready and everything seems to be going okay. All of a sudden Craig goes crazy. He picks this very moment to freak out and he convinces himself we're going to be late, the doctor won't do the surgery and the world is possibly exploding. This is the part where it all gets a little fuzzy but it went something like this: hysterics, screaming from both parties, hands waving in the air and finally the grand finale of Craig grabbing his keys and declaring that he's just going to head on to the hospital because he can't take a chance on being late...really Craig, REALLY?!

I just stop getting ready, throw my wet hair up, and grab Cooper and march out the door. I yell back at him that I'm leaving to go to Karen's and for him to just pick me up there. He apparently speed walks up the hill to grandma's house and they jump in the car (almost leaving Bec behind) and after I've dropped Coop off I'm heading toward the road so I can leap in, taking as little time as possible and I see them fly by. *sigh* It's going to be one of those days. Luckily grandma reminded Craig that he had forgotten something, HIS WIFE. They did turn around and get me but still, it doesn't feel very good to see your ride fly by.

Friday 7:30 am:
We get to the hospital without further incident (fifteen whole minutes early). We check in and boring things happen.

Friday 9:00 am:
Craig is prepped and just waiting to be taken back. About three different nurses plus assistants had come in and each one asked him his name and what he was there for. (I'm guessing a security measure). Joking, I said "hey the next person who asks you what you're here for you should tell them a sex change". Hahaha laughter ensues. Well...then they come in and pump him full of happy juice and let me tell you he was flying high. There was laughing. A lot of laughing. Then a new nurse came in. "Good morning sir, what's your name and what are we doing today?" Craig's answer was priceless. He smirks a little, giggles and says "A SEX CHANGE!!!" (In Craig's version of this story he tells people I "tricked" him into saying it...I say you can't trick the willing). So after that we kiss goodbye and they take him back and nothing is sadder than watching your soul mate be wheeled away...yeah, I may have cried a little.

Friday 9:36 am:
They make an announcement for the Sexton family to come to the front desk. There, they hand me a beeper (like one of the vibrating ones you get at a restaurant while waiting for a table) and explain that they will page me every sixty minutes AND any time there are any updates or changes from the O.R. They say they will do this by the beeper or just calling our name over the loud speaker. They also tell me that the O.R. just called and they had just started the surgery. Previously, the doctor had told me that the surgery would probably take forty five minutes and he would be in recovery for forty five minutes so I was hoping the next "page" I got was letting me know he was in recovery and doing fine...

10:20 am:
No word from the O.R. yet plus I hadn't been able to get a hold of Karen (my babysitter) who had my tiny little boy for the day. Normally she's at her store before 10:00 so when I couldn't get her on the phone by 10:20 I presumed her and Cooper had suffered some kind of horrible fate and were possibly laying in a ditch somewhere and something had went terribly wrong with Craig and that's why they hadn't called and basically my mind goes to the absolute WORST scenario because that's who I am!!!


10:25 am:
Finally get Karen on the phone. They weren't dead, only late.


10:40 am:
Okay MORE than sixty minutes has went by on this forty five minute surgery so it's time to get re-acquainted with the front desk. I go and inquire and they check the computer and say yes he's in recovery and they don't know why we weren't notified but they would let me know when I could go back and see him.


12:25 pm:
Still no word so this time I go back to the "staging area". (I have no flipping clue what this is called. It's the large area with all the beds where they have the people waiting to go to surgery and the people that just got done with recovery). I ask that nurse if he's back yet and she says no he's still in recovery. I'm like, "okay well the doctor said he would only be in recovery for forty five minutes, is something wrong?" She tells me she's sure it's fine and the front desk will let me know when he's back. Oh, the front desk! The front desk that's been so faithful to report back to me so far letting me know what's going on. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


12:30 pm:
They call and say we can go back to see him. We walk back and he's sitting up right, drinking a coke and laughing and talking...my guess is they forgot him in recovery and after we kept walking past the front desk and being persistent they rummaged around and found him. I know, it happens, you loose things. I do it all the time. Sometimes at Dipper's we forget orders and don't realize it until the crazy people start parading in front of the counter. I feel like this is the same type scenario except we're talking about my Craig and not a slaw dog.


1:00 pm:
Craig tells me he had a crazy dream that he told the nurse he was there for a sex change. Sorry to have to be the one to tell you this but that was no dream...He's like "OH CRAP!" Then the nurse comes in and tells him as soon as he uses the bathroom he can leave. He's like, "I guess we're about to find out exactly what kind of surgery I had..." Luckily all was well in that area. Then the nurse tells him to get dressed except that he can't bend down what so ever so I end up putting his underwear on to which he wiggles around a bit and serenades the whole process with stripper music. Yes, my high husband, gave me a reverse strip show.

Saturday 3:00 am:
Craig wakes me up, asking if I can get him some meds. After he takes his narcotic he starts to feel better and proceeds to try and carry on a conversation with me. It goes something like this:
Craig: "I'm not really hurting as bad as I thought I would be. Those pills helped, thanks. Thanks for going to the hospital today. I'm sorry I yelled this morning.
Me: (in a slightly comatose state) "mmmhhhmmmmhhm"
Craig: "It was good I didn't drive, I mean how would I ever have gotten my truck home. I couldn't have drove home...gosh, I'm just really not sleepy at all anymore."
Me: "If you don't stop talking and let me sleep I'm totally stealing the rest of your percocets."

Things we have learned:
-My husband is very, very fun while on percocets.
-Do not trust hospital staff when they tell you they'll update you. They are lying. (And the thing is I wouldn't have been near as worried if they hadn't made such a huge deal with the beeper and calling me up telling me they'd make sure I got updates).
-It's not smart to tell anyone to say something bizarre right before they get the happy juice.

One final tidbit into our weekend:
Craig: "Baby you've been so good to me since this surgery. How can I ever repay you? I mean you've waited on me hand and foot? When I get better what do you need?"
Me: "How about the next time I have a C-section (which by the way has to be WAY worst than your "hernia situation" and I did not come home with a bottle full of pills...), you at least get up in the middle of the night with the new baby for a week."
Craig: "Didn't I do that with Cooper?"
Me: "Your pills make you delusional."
Craig: "My pills make you mean."